Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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