I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You have to summon your inner elephant
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
