You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
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