well I can't set my house on fire every night
he shaved USA in his pubs
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
