i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
