For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
false alarm, still single
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
