what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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