i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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