I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
