Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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