Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
