Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
