he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
