Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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