Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
