My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
