May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
