if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
are you so shy because you have an std?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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