Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
