I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Randomize
