so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
