it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
