I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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