I'm jealous of your bromance
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
