Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
