I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
