You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
