he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
