omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
