It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
