He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
