Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
