Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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