Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
