i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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