after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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