i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize