when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
