I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize