No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
