yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
