I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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