He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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