whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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