i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize