he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
