i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
