remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
you never un-have a 4some
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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