Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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