Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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