umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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