She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
