bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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