Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
