kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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