Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
