At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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