They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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