If i come over, it means nothing
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize