Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
