why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
