I heard we made out
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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