I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
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