Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
