Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
