It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
