help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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