is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
