Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
