Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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