Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
