The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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