I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
