it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
