Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize