The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
