He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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