Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
