i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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