my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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