so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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