remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Randomize
