Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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