I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
