Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
