if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My ATM looks so different sober.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
