think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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