why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
