Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Come back. Shots need mouths.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
