Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
