You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
