just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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