Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
