Your face is a jimmy john
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
