omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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