i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
