That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
