You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
