I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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