have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
