Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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