He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
